First Dwarf Review: Dwarf Adventures That Crash and Burn

"First Dwarf," a game that should’ve been a dwarf’s wet dream but instead feels like a nightmare on replay. Imagine combining a dwarf, a mech, and a dragon companion. Sounds badass, right? Well, it should’ve been.

Initial Spark: Beauty Meets the Beastly Bugs

First things first, the game world is stunning. The visuals and music suck you in like a siren’s call, promising a legendary journey. But once you start playing, it’s like getting slapped in the face with a wet fish. You’re met with more bugs than a rotting carcass, and that’s just the beginning.

Combat and Exploration

Combat? Meh. You control a dwarf, his mech, and a dragon. It sounds like a recipe for awesomeness, but the reality is clunky controls and janky animations. The dwarf is sluggish, the mech feels like it’s wading through molasses, and the dragon’s fire-breathing is about as intimidating as a wet matchstick.

Tower Defense and Base Building

The tower defense aspect is downright laughable. You try to set up defenses, but enemies just waltz past your carefully placed walls like they own the place. Building your base is a chore thanks to a UI that desperately needs a facelift. It’s like trying to assemble IKEA furniture blindfolded.

The Grind: Resource Gathering and Quests

Resource management is painfully basic. You’ve got wood, stone, and energy, but there’s no depth. Quests are either vague or just plain confusing. You’ll spend more time wandering around aimlessly than actually accomplishing anything. It’s like they designed it to waste your time.

Performance Issues: From Frame Rates to Frustration

Performance is all over the place. One minute you’re at a smooth 60fps, the next you’re in a slideshow. The frame rate dips are enough to make you want to throw your PC out the window. Add in some random crashes, and it’s a recipe for rage quitting.

Early Access Excuses: Promises and Pitfalls

Yeah, it’s in early access, so bugs are expected. But this is more like a plague. The developers have a roadmap for fixes, but right now, it feels like a beta that should still be in the oven. I wouldn’t hold my breath for quick improvements.

Final Verdict: A Diamond Covered in Crap

"First Dwarf" has so much potential, but it’s buried under a mountain of crap. The concept is solid, but the execution is severely lacking. If they fix the bugs, improve the tower defense mechanics, and stabilize performance, it could be great. Right now, it’s a 5 out of 10 – a beautiful mess that needs a lot of work.

Final Score: 5/10

So there you have it. "First Dwarf" is like finding a shiny gem in a pile of shit. It could shine bright one day, but for now, it’s just a stinky disappointment. Keep an eye on those patches, and maybe, just maybe, this dwarf’s journey will be worth the trouble.